I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
where does the pee come out of this thing
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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