need another drink. this is the easiest way
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
