You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
