Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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