he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I will be naked everywhere
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
