Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
