You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
