whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize