dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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