I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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