omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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