I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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