thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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