Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Couch. On fire.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
