It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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