Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
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the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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