Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize