I am in a vortex of obligation.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
