guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
