last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
