Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
