maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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