Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
