I hate all girls vehemently.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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