u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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