I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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