We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
