Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
