he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
