ugly people sure do ruin things
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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