ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize