Heybabeimwearingurpanties
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
