why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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