you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
