It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
