3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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