if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
