Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
