i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
