just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
