I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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