Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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