I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
