just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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