no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
