I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
