i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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