i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
