party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i will never coherently bang her
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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