I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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