remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
3pm strippers are depressing
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
