this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
