Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
