Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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