you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
