She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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