I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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