I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
