Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
