hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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