Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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