A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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