we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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