I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
