She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
