Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize