You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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