Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
