how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
