my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
