just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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