Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Michael Bay diarrhea
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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