She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did we convert life to cartoon?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize