I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
