Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
