im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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