The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
