let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
