your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
