and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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